why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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