there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
