I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
