You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
