I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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