Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
