I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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