I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
