I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
