I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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