im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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