he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You're a waste of cheezeits
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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