Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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