i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am available for nakedness
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
