shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize