I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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