So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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