He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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