i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize