I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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