Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
