I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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