I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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