Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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