I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
