I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
