just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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