I looked at my own cervix.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
