Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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