Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
