i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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