I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize