i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
