R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
