3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
