my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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