Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
