I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
