1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
