she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
