community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
