Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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