I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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