proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
