I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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