i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
