Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
