he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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