Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Randomize
