is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
