I haven't been this sober since birth.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
