I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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