Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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