Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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