i permit you to call me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
