They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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