You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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