He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
