I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
