if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
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I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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