I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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