Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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