tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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