We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
