Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's always time for handjobs
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
