the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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