I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
