so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
