Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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