dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
