i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
organizing the empties. That sober.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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