Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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